being thankful

having internet in my house is awesome, but also causes me to waste a lot of time doing things like looking at masters programs when i have no money to do them, looking at pictures of other countries, mindlessly spying on people on facebook in the wee hours of the night and then making myself stop. im losing a lot of brain cells with internet, but its also a really good thing; one reason is that I was just looking at pictures from the last year living here in Tuxtla and I realized I have experienced and changed a lot here, and I feel suddendly happy.

You know, as of late I have been cranky and a bit depressed at times in this hot weather, feeling unhappy about everything. I think it was because I was trying to escape the present, always dreaming about the future or thinking about how good the past was. That is an impossible way to live, I realized after conversations with many wise people. The only way to live is to enjoy the present, knowing that each moment will never happen again, and that each moment is god-given and beautiful if you just open your eyes (figuratively, i dont think you are walking around close-eyed.)

For example, today it was hot as can be, I mean, its so hot that my face is sweaty and when I sit down too long my pants are damp. If I do even the slightest bit of movement, walking for example, you can pretty much guarantee I will want to take a shower by the end of the day. I take 2 to 3 showers daily. I'm very clean. Mrs. Clean. (sidenote: i taught my students the word 'cloudy', to which one responded, 'is that a last name?' i immediately imagined a certain man named Mr. Cloudy. oooghhhh scary!!! It sounds like a good character for the next Batman movie, eh?)


Anyway, i will get to the point, and it is this: today when i was sweaty cranky amazing things happened despite myself:

1. i ate a heavenly mango
2. i realized how difficult and beautifully complex the palm tree outside my window would be to draw, incredibly intricate with millions of shades of green.
3. i noticed the beauty of white sheets, shirts and underwear hanging out in the sunset being blown in the wind and colored orange by the sunset. I think I've never seen such a beautiful sight.
4. I realized that I am not only comfortable with kissing strangers on the cheek, but I do it instinctively.
5. I realized how much I love the metallic ringing sound of the gas truck going by, the men on bicycles shouting 'aguaaaaaaa' and, the fact that I can buy delicious greasy tamales on the corner and I KNOW ALL THE FLAVORS without asking.

basically, today I am in Tuxtla Gutierrez, a hot box, but happy to be alive.

'This too shall pass'......

I'm ready for rainy season.